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Cherished child of God,
I stand on the shoulders of many who've gone before with perhaps one difference. The usual teaching is that the “orphan” is a spirit. If that were true, it could be cast off and that would be the end. But that's not what happens. I therefore contend that the "orphan" is an entire structure of behavior which flows from the place of pain within the soul...a place which is shut down even from the healing love of God.
That place needs to be exposed, cleansed through repentance, and surrendered to Jesus. Then it needs be "dismantled" through simple prayers. Once that is done, the lies which were hidden behind the "fortress" are revealed. More than that though, is the recognition and destroying the structure of "survival techniques" we've developed as responses to pain. THEN we can bring all to the Cross, receive God's love and release forgiveness.
Finally the orphan can come into the fullness of adoption as a child of God and walk in freedom.
I believe that our focus must always be on God and the efficacy of Jesus' sacrifice. That is why I do not counsel "digging" into our past. Nor do I counsel that the past is the past. Sadly, unless the past is healed it becomes part of our present and goes with us into the future. What I counsel is this....be aware of your heart responses to situations. When suddenly you find yourself triggered, "doing what you don't want to do/feel/say" or not doing/feeling or saying what you want to, take the issue/event to the Lord. It means that the Holy Spirit wants to show/teach you something. The way and the timing of our healing is in the Lord's hand...not the opinion of any human counselor.
With love, joanie
THE FATHER’S HEART….
HOME FOR THE ORPHAN
Jesus made a promise to His disciples as recorded in John 14:18. In the midst of His assurances of the close relationship among the Father, the Son and a Believer, He suddenly tells them He won't LEAVE them orphans. Why did Jesus use that word? Because He knew that they would feel like  orphans when He left them.
Jesus then promised the gift of the Holy Spirit which is the guarantee of the Father’s adoption and love. We tend to think of the gifts of the Holy Spirit in terms of the charismatic manifestations, but His primary function is to pour the love of the Father into our hearts.
I suggest that the “orphan” exists in the realm of the soul (our minds, emotions and wills) as opposed to in the Spirit. Thus even the believer and follower of Jesus can have a place where an orphan still exists! Again, it's that place where we keep shut - even from God.
We all rejoice that God has adopted us as His children (John 1:12) transferring us out of the darkness and bringing us into the kingdom of the Son of His love (Col 1:13). Yet as I study the five specific verses of our adoption, I contend that our adoption is more than event, it is a journey. The journey starts with our positional adoption – in the realm of the Spirit as we are sealed by the Holy Spirit and our spirits are made alive in Him.
Ultimately our bodies will be glorified, which is the end result of our adoption.
But the soul’s adoption (redemption is a better word) is a process of moving from orphan to son.
THE ORPHAN STRUCTURE
 When the soul of an infant (from fetus to 5) is wounded or traumatized, the child does not have the tools to process the pain. Consequently he puts the pain into a dark place within his heart which then seems to fragment. Immediately the foundation for a fortress of self protection is laid, a place in which to hide the pain.
Sadly this attempt of self protection not only keeps the pain from coming out, it prevents love from flowing in.
Yet it is the love of God which is needed to bring wholeness and healing.
From this “bad root” comes the “bad fruit” of lies: I'm not worthy to live, I'm not lovable, I’m a failure, etc. Believing these lies continues to “nurture” the orphan.
Soon doubt, confusion and fear become guards over this orphan structure further distorting and separating the orphan from love. The Bible says, "That which is born of flesh is flesh." Because the Orphan Structure is born of flesh, it remains under the influence of the flesh and/or darkness.
Pain attracts and begets more pain and eventually the orphan hides behind a veritable fortress of pain. As the child matures, his survival depends on denial and detachment from the pain until he is totally disassociated from it. But the pain leaks out through dysfunctional behavior and a string of broken and unhealthy relationships.
INABILITY TO TRUST AND TO LOVE
We live in a sinful world. Not everyone is wounded through abuse or evil. Sometimes “life” just happens. A word spoken in ignorance or anger can result in a wounded soul. No apology can suffice when an adult or someone in a position of authority, wounds a child. Only love can reach that hole. Herein is the paradox.
The love which will heal is rejected out of fear and mistrust. The orphan is caught in a vicious cycle.
Psalm 22 says that we learn to trust at our mother’s breast. But sometimes the lesson learned is NOT to trust – neither father nor mother! Studies show that 80% of our identity comes from our fathers and far too often our fathers are emotionally distant or physically absent. How then can the orphan relate to God as Father?
We embrace Jesus and the Spirit, but cringe in fear from the Father. We make our heavenly Father in the image of our earthly father. Through the lies of the orphan structure, the image of God is distorted. We are told we need to trust and to love God, but we are unable. We want to. We try to. But we are trapped by the lies of the enemy.
Despite our faith in Jesus, our relationship with God is still in need of restoration – through the soul. We need to dismantle the orphan structure by faith through grace, and come to the fullness of our identity as a child of God. Then we can be released into our God ordained destiny.
We need to recognize the lies which have motivated our behavior and feelings. Once brought to the light we can repent of believing the lies, renounce them and replace them with the truth of God’s word. Then we need to submit and surrender the specific painful events to the healing touch of Christ and forgive the offender. Then we need to repent of our sinful behavior caused by believing those lies. Once we see the extent of the damage the wounding lie caused, we can once again forgive the offender and break the lie’s emotional stronghold and move into freedom.
When we replace the lies of the orphan with the truth of God our minds are transformed. When we break the strongholds we are conforming to the truth of God rather than to the world.
THE BIG THREE
The Bible reflects God’s flow chart of love (Ephesians 2:8-10; Psalm 68:5-6).
Relationship describes whose we are. 
Identity describes who we are.
Destiny describes what we do.
Using the example of Ephesians:
Relationship: We are saved by grace through faith
Identity: We are His workmanship
Destiny: Created for good works.
Love flows downward from God as our relationship with God as Father gives us our identity from which comes our destiny.
Love flows upward as we find satisfaction in our relationship, rest in our identity and fulfillment in our destiny.
When our relationship with God as Father is insecure or uncertain there is a blockage to God’s flow chart! Rather than love flowing down from relationship (whose we are) and into identity (who we are) and then destiny (what we do), we try to get our identity from our destiny.
Meet a man and he'll tell you what he does. Meet a woman and she'll tell you about her children. Unemployment or divorce destroys our sense of well being. While being a challenge, such things need not destroy our identity.
Psalm 84:5-6 says that it is a blessing to determine to “make pilgrimage through the valley of weeping…make it a pool of blessings as we go from strength to strength…before the God of Zion.”
Jesus said, “I am the Door.” Healing begins as we allow Jesus to enter into the Fortress” of pain and to break down the Orphan structure. He then brings redemption and restoration to our souls by turning all the events of our lives into good (especially the terrible, awful, and horrible) and brings the orphan into the place of rest – the heart of the Father.
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